Thursday, May 28

Laffy Taffy is no laughing matter

I want to share a two part story with you. No dear friends- this is not really about laffy taffy. I wish it was. This is a story of a poor girl who lost all her pride because of a laffy taffy look-a-like. Read on.....


Part 1:

I went to the oral surgeon for my post op visit. My mouth was still pretty swollen, which I informed my dear doctor about.

The following was said to me:

"I'm just going to rinse back there for you with a little water"
Translation: I'm going to put salty watery slime back there for you to spit into a little plastic bowl like a helpless little lamb.

"I'm now going to tuck a dressing in the area to calm the swelling and make the healing go faster"
Translation: I'm now going to tuck iodine flavored laffy taffy into the middle of your wound with a sharp metal tool.

"Your mouth may taste a little bit like iodine"
Translation: Your mouth will taste like you licked a metal pole and you liked it so much that you continue to lick and lick and lick. for hours. You will salivate, you love the metal taste so much.



It wasn't all that painful...it was just. so. gross. tasting. And made my mouth salivated iodine. I was drooling iodine. I had yellow dye on my chin. I was a big, iodine, yellow, taffy mess.



Part 2:

Dan said the traffic was too bad to go home (we were out by King of Prussia mall at 5:30pm). The mall seemed like the only real option and so off we went.

Let's remember my laffy taffy mouth is still alive....

I shut the door to the car and quickly realized that my mouth was continuously filling up with lime yellow iodine laffy taffy saliva that I was NOT going to swallow. Was. Not.

I swallowed any pride (My 24 hour mini-motto: Swallow the pride- NOT the iodine) I then proceeded to open my car door every time Dan stopped the car to spit. Every. Time.

Stop Sign: Spit.

Traffic: Spit

Red Light: Spit

One car around: Spit

Many cars around: Spit

Cool cars around: Spit

If there was a huge bus of Olympians, the actors and actresses from LOST and Chopin and Bach themselves, I would have spit. Desperate times call for desperate measures.


I left a trail of spit through the beautiful hills of Radnor all the way to the parking spot at the mall. Where I opened my car door and spit. like a sailor.


Now being very ladylike, I of course stopped spitting once we went into the fancy mall. Right?

You betcha I did....not.


With every passing trash can- Spit. People around. Spit. Expensive stores with trashcans directly in front of their stores. Spit. Cute preppy people sitting on a bench facing a trashcan. Spit.

Spit. Spit.

Spit.



Today, I am a tad embarrassed that I actually swallowed my pride and not the spit. I'm actually surprised I'm sharing this story with you. But what's a story, if not to share?




Words for the wise- lime yellow laffy taffy at the dentist is NOT in fact laffy taffy that you will get at the end of your visit for being good. It is metal tasting danger and will cause you to spit uncontrollably, no matter where you are or what you are doing. You will have no shame for yourself or who you are with.


Laffy Taffy anyone?

Tuesday, May 26

Oxycrazy: poetry, wise words, and applesauce

So I made it through the surgery. And I'm 3 pounds lighter!! When you eat considerably less, you lose weight! Imagine that!

I'm getting creative with what I can eat. My mouth is still pretty sore and solid foods are proving to be a bit difficult.

Today's big creativity with eating was after my dinner of pancakes with peanut butter that I ate with my front teeth. I thought it would be a GREAT idea to suck on some popcorn. Boy, was that disappointing....and pretty disgusting.

Oh- and back onto chewing with your front teeth. I quickly realized that's only adorable when you're one year old or a chipmunk. Which clearly, I'm neither.



Now- on to the oxycodine talk.... the following are things you may say when on oxycodine. My wonderful husband thought it would be funny to write down things as I said them in his little moleskin notebook that he loves. And now that I am off oxycodine, I thought I would share some of my words of wisdom.

So go ahead and read. You can
1. laugh
2. chuckle
3. say- "That girl thinks she's funny and she's not".

Whatever your fancy, go ahead and read anyway. I think some of it's pretty mind-blowing.

1. The sahara desert is like a rainstorm compared to my mouth. My tongue is as dry as a lizard, not a lizard tongue because they are slimy. Just as dry as a lizard.

2. I close my eyes and I travel ....I travel down the hall...I travel down. But when I open my eyes, I haven't gone anywhere.

3. My body says "Sit down- you're heavy." My mind says "But I have to get up- I have to pee." So my stomach says "Have some food."

4. If we can go to the moon, we can invent a bag of ice that you can wear on your head.


and some poetry for the poetry lovers:

Water all around me
But nothing I can drink.
Water all around me
It's all that I can think.
Water all around me
I just want a glass or two.
Water all around me
Oh water, how I love you.


And that's all. Thanks to all who prayed me through my close call with death.

Ok, the dramatic behavior is over. I promise. And no more webmd for me. At least not until the next health related incident.....

Thursday, May 21

Dove Love

So tomorrow's the big day. go time. ready. set. go.

this time tomorrow, i'll be 1.379 ounces smaller (approximately four teeth).


i have a really good memo for myself for next time....don't ever EVER spend hours looking up medical complications. it's scary. upsetting. panic attack creating. no good. only bad. really upsetting. terribly upsetting. i'm upset.


i have been in mourning all week in preparation for the day. what does mourning entail, you ask? Not fasting. Not crying. Not thinking. No- my mourning has included eating whatever I want whenever I want, and absolutely no exercise. The best form of mourning is no exercise.

Basically my definition of mourning (my extremely accurate definition of course- i have ALL four wisdom teeth still- so i'm very wise) has been me feeling sorry for myself. and food + no exercise makes me feel less sorry for myself.


should I end the drama now? am I incredibly annoying? well I'm sorry I'm so annoying. there is a LOT going on right now....did I mention I'm getting my wisdom teeth out??


ok. drama is over. but the mourning is not. it's time for some Dove Love.

Sunday, May 17

Wisdom Teeth Worries

I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday. I have a few thoughts about this.....

1. Dan lost feeling in half of his mouth when he got his out. One nerve reconstructive surgery later- he feels some hot and cold. (Personally, I would like to taste my food if at all possible)

2. I feel very upset that I even have to get them out. Why do they have to be impacted? The Lord KNOWS how much I hate not being in control and I'm pretty sure when I'm knocked out, I won't be in control..... (I just don't want to be in the game show of "Who's in Control" with my teeth!!!....)

3. I have so many worries- dry socket, not being able to taste food, and dying....oh my soul. i'm scaring myself right now- must. stop. writing. medical. fears.

4. There is no eating for a while. Now while my outside belly (chubby) thanks me, my inside belly (food lover) does not.

5. I'm not a huge fan of pain. I know that no one is, but I'm REALLY not. Plus, I am target #1 for saying dumb things when on pain medicine as light as Tylenol PM and Aleve, so I'm pretty sure the crazy OxyCodin will do a number on me (Dan is already sworn to secrecy for my words of wisdom on OxyCodin).



so these are my thoughts for now. when i think about the surgery on friday (which i KNOW is minor and i'm not trying to be a big baby....but sometimes, i am!!) i want to curl up in a ball and cry and beg Dan not to make me. but he says i have to. because my teeth hurt. because he knows best.


And no, I did not just secretly pray that the Lord would work a miracle where my wisdom teeth would POOF into thin air. I did not also just promise God I wouldn't tell anyone about the secret miracle. No....I would never pray something so silly.

Friday, May 15

What happens when the spider slayer is in Arizona

So I did not post any sweet Wonderfuls on Wednesday because I saw a spider upstairs and that made me afraid to go in the basement where the computer was. (that doesn't even make sense to me so it's fine if it makes no sense to you).

But now, fully recovered, I would like to tell you about this spider.

1. Thick. (a thick spider is a scary spider)
2. Red and yellow stripes (not from this land)
3. Quick (like race-car fast)

So I see this spider.

*small panic attack*

I grab a shoe and pray "Lord Jesus help me"

I hit him with a shoe. He is as fast as lightening and gets away

*big panic attack*

I get my central vacuum and plug it in. I put the hose near him and he STARTS TO CRAWL AWAY. what kind of spider is strong enough to crawl away from a vacuum hose??

A monster spider. not from this land. with yellow and red stripes. thick.


I start to go into a small panicking tizzy- I consider my options. Hotel, stay with friends, sleep in car.....

*small moment of courage*

I stuck that hose right up to it's yellow and red striped thick monster body and away he went.


I left the vacuum on for 5 minutes, because I was not sure how well monster spiders liked to be sucked down to their death and I didn't want to fight with it again.

After two hours of worrying that it might crawl around in the tubes in our house and make monster spider BABIES and would take over our home, I got to talk to Dan who told me the spider was now in smithereens.

*Still panicked*

Now I was scared about other things- like bad men coming in my house to get me, other creatures that were lurking around, how many spiders I have eaten in my lifetime......

I was scared until I scared myself silly, then I scared myself sleepy, and finally asleep.



I'm glad my spider slayer is home. This was one battle that I don't want to have to fight again.

Sunday, May 10

Curtain Rods and Joy Songs

5 dollar curtain rods aren't as nice as they seem
They buckle under pressure and make me want to scream.
They leave nasty holes in the wall when I have to take them down.
They make me cry and pout and frown.

My Target curtains are not good either
They are not straight which gives me a fever
One side is short and the other is long
In curtain making 101, that is very wrong.

And so I face a decision very grand
Keep the cheap or spend more dollars then I planned
Keep blank walls with their stupid holes
Or buy new things quickly so I can be consoled.

I have a hard time when things aren't as planned
I pout and I cry as loud as a band
But today, I'm putting my big-girl pants on
And going to instead, sing a joy-in-my-heart song.

Tuesday, May 5

Surrendering

You could find me worrying about everything,
And find me wondering what tomorrow may bring.
You could find me wishing that life was easier
But today, Lord I pray, you would find me
surrendering all these things to You.

That you would find me on my knees praising my King,
That you would find me wondering how to be more like Him,
That you would find me wishing I could lead more to Christ,
Oh today, Lord I pray, that you would find me
surrendering all of me to You.

Sometimes life gets hard and I just want to fit in.
Life never seems fair and it never feels easy.
I worry, wish, and wonder about all the wrong things,
But today, Lord I pray, that you would help me
focus on surrendering.