Thursday, May 28

Laffy Taffy is no laughing matter

I want to share a two part story with you. No dear friends- this is not really about laffy taffy. I wish it was. This is a story of a poor girl who lost all her pride because of a laffy taffy look-a-like. Read on.....


Part 1:

I went to the oral surgeon for my post op visit. My mouth was still pretty swollen, which I informed my dear doctor about.

The following was said to me:

"I'm just going to rinse back there for you with a little water"
Translation: I'm going to put salty watery slime back there for you to spit into a little plastic bowl like a helpless little lamb.

"I'm now going to tuck a dressing in the area to calm the swelling and make the healing go faster"
Translation: I'm now going to tuck iodine flavored laffy taffy into the middle of your wound with a sharp metal tool.

"Your mouth may taste a little bit like iodine"
Translation: Your mouth will taste like you licked a metal pole and you liked it so much that you continue to lick and lick and lick. for hours. You will salivate, you love the metal taste so much.



It wasn't all that painful...it was just. so. gross. tasting. And made my mouth salivated iodine. I was drooling iodine. I had yellow dye on my chin. I was a big, iodine, yellow, taffy mess.



Part 2:

Dan said the traffic was too bad to go home (we were out by King of Prussia mall at 5:30pm). The mall seemed like the only real option and so off we went.

Let's remember my laffy taffy mouth is still alive....

I shut the door to the car and quickly realized that my mouth was continuously filling up with lime yellow iodine laffy taffy saliva that I was NOT going to swallow. Was. Not.

I swallowed any pride (My 24 hour mini-motto: Swallow the pride- NOT the iodine) I then proceeded to open my car door every time Dan stopped the car to spit. Every. Time.

Stop Sign: Spit.

Traffic: Spit

Red Light: Spit

One car around: Spit

Many cars around: Spit

Cool cars around: Spit

If there was a huge bus of Olympians, the actors and actresses from LOST and Chopin and Bach themselves, I would have spit. Desperate times call for desperate measures.


I left a trail of spit through the beautiful hills of Radnor all the way to the parking spot at the mall. Where I opened my car door and spit. like a sailor.


Now being very ladylike, I of course stopped spitting once we went into the fancy mall. Right?

You betcha I did....not.


With every passing trash can- Spit. People around. Spit. Expensive stores with trashcans directly in front of their stores. Spit. Cute preppy people sitting on a bench facing a trashcan. Spit.

Spit. Spit.

Spit.



Today, I am a tad embarrassed that I actually swallowed my pride and not the spit. I'm actually surprised I'm sharing this story with you. But what's a story, if not to share?




Words for the wise- lime yellow laffy taffy at the dentist is NOT in fact laffy taffy that you will get at the end of your visit for being good. It is metal tasting danger and will cause you to spit uncontrollably, no matter where you are or what you are doing. You will have no shame for yourself or who you are with.


Laffy Taffy anyone?

3 comments:

  1. hysterical. wish i could have seen it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The best thing I've read today - and I'm re-re-reading Harry Potter 6 right now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is so funny! Hope you don't mind me reading your Blog. I have one, too, But it's not this funny!

    ReplyDelete