Wednesday, November 18

"my body is sitting in traffic"

Sitting in traffic does a number on one's soul.

today was a monster jam.
bigger than a monster that comes out on halloween.
bigger than the monster loin for sale at shoprite.


in 2 hours i went 1 mile.
it was not super fun.
but i did lighten things up for myself.

and as i think about it
i realize
there are many emotional stages
while sitting on a slab of asphalt
for a percentage of your life.

At first the feeling is panic
you realize you will be a little late
and you hate it
and you want to crawl away with embarrassment

and soon you realize you could have crawled away
all the way to school
and gotten there sooner...


anyway- as you sit there
you start wishing crazy things
like wishing your car had a vaccuum
or a built in sewing machine
you know, to spruce up the place.

you start imagining what a GREAT car would have
an oven to make brownies in
a diet pepsi dispenser
a bed for resting
you almost wish for workout equipment
but realize you would just use it as a chair

you lazy thing you.


anyway....at least for me...that panic turns into a good case of the 
crazies.

you start trying to create acronyms for the words:
"traffic" and "hateyou" and "getmeoutofhere"

you start making up cheerleading chants including
"traffic traffic is no fun. traffic traffic hurts someone"
and
"u g l y, you ain't got no alibi. you ugly. traffic. you ugly."

you give up the chanting game
because you stink at it

so you switch to making up songs too
you sing songs that resemble "london bridge" and
"my bonnie went over the ocean" *ahem...note title*
you can't think of anything else
so you give up on those too.


at this point, you seriously start eating like
you are running a marathon
and not sitting in a car burning 5 calories an hour
so you eat a half dozen cookies and some raisinets. 
you are slightly perturbed you didn't bring a cooler filled with 
treats and sodas galore.


you may start talking to your car.
picture tom hanks and wilson
but for me it was me and my buddy honky-tonk.
who was the steering wheel.

i named him after his job.


and then, 
as "quickly" as you came.
or actually MUCH quicker.
you finally are on your way to your final destination.


and by the time your journey is over.
there is a small part of you that is sad
because of all the good times the ride has given you.

you give honky-tonk a little pat
lick the half dozen cookie crumbs off your lips
and emerge from the vehicle

very late
but grateful for the many made memories

**big shout outs to saturn, mer's cookies, apple for allowing me a way to facebook in the car, hand sanitizer wipes used to clean the car, and my beloved honky. the car ride would not have been the same if not for all of you. oh, and a big shout out also to cookie dough ice-cream. you know...because i'll always shout out for you...you wonderfully wonderful you**

Friday, November 13

He's thin, worth a lot, and sharp around the egdes....

yes, ladies and gentlemen.
the star of this post is the coupon.
all of those juicy, glorious papers secretly made of gold.

Yes I know you know I coupon.
Yes, I was serious before. But I am tee-to-tally loony for it now.


Today I got:
1 pumpkin pie
1 cool whip
1 Breyers ice-cream (negative cents paid!)
1 bag of tyson chicken tenderloins (9 dollar bag for 4 bucks!)
2 green giant steam vegetables
3 eight-ounce bags of shredded cheese
2 eight-ounce blocks of cheese
1 swiss miss hot chocolate 8 pack
2 pop-secret popcorn 3 packs
2 sweetened condensed milk
2 mentos gum packs (negative cents paid!)
1 pack of 4 sticks of butter
2 perdue short-cut chicken strips (5.99 each, got mine for 2.50!)
2 three-packs of yeast
2 brownie mixes
2 cookie mixes
2 icings
2 cookie doughs
1 EVOO (10 dollar bottle people for 4 bucks!)
1 vegetable oil
2 grand muffin packs
2 cinnamon roll packs

for 48.07. dollars people. regular dollar bills with no added gold or silver.
and the parenthesis i tenderly placed around some items were my big ticket sales.
but seriously, i could have parenthesis-ed up every stinkin item...

acme- you have seriously stolen my heart.


oh coupons. i love you almost as much as the food i bought.


now what the heck will i do with this food?
it's called stockpiling.
desserts were rock-bottom priced,
so i bought as many as i could with coupons and now i'm set.
and as you read above, lots of other sales were attacked as well.

like a bear in the wild.
i searched, pounced, and devoured!
and then i roared.

well, maybe it was a secret roar.
my husband is already a little worried.
although i was just skipping through the store and clapping....
i mean, that's totally normal, right?


next week, who knows what will be the mystery sale.
hopefully yogurt. and oreos.
oh sweet mother of pearl....let's not get started on the oreos.


the kicker people- not only did i spend 48.07, but i got 6 bucks off of my next purchase!! That's over 100 dollars in total savings today!


ahem......i did prepare a speech for this moment:
^clearing throat^
props and a big shout-out to my scissors.
coupon book.
mac.
money saving blogs.
my mom who showed me the blogs.
peelies.
philadelphia inquirer.
to all the people at acme.
and to me.
because i feel pretty coupon savvy right now.
not that i'm going to brag and blog about it or anything.

or put up my receipt on the fridge.


well anyway, i hope you felt inspired to cut your own little clippings of treasure.

roar.

Monday, November 9

bless you made-up holiday season...bless you.

I would like to declare a new holiday
and it lasts for three days
and takes place the days following halloween

and it would be called
"Candy Extravaganza Day"
or
"Sweet Sugar Loving Day"
or simply..
"Delicious Day"

well whatever it's going to be called
happy holidays to me.
happy hootin holidays.

i discovered this holiday
while on a weekly adventure to target
and stumbled into the halloween clearance.

talk about a pathway of love
into more love
and more
and more
and more.

oh the candy.
i wish you all could have been there with me.
i felt like mrs. willy wonka
which i know you wonder if being his wife is actually my secret wish
but have you seen that guy?
freaaaa-kay.

and actually, he's made up.
true story.

annnnnyway....

i got 18 bags of candy
at target
for half off.

and yes i spent 40 dollars on an excessive amount of nonsense
that is called sugar love
but it was half off.
so basically, halfway to free.
works for me.

and the feeling i get in my heart
when i think
"what do i choose to eat for snack?"
and realize i have 25 choices
because i strategically made sure
i bought bags with multiple flavors of goodness

i could sing
i could dance
and i do
right to the special cabinet
that is brimming with happiness.
love.
sweet sugar love.


i secretly wish for a pattern
to make a jacket
with 25 pockets
that i could stick one piece of sugar love
into each spot

sort of like an advent calendar
that i refill every day

speaking of advent calendars...
whoever decided one piece of chocolate would cut it is crazy.
it's hard enough to wait for Christmas
let alone telling me i'm only allowed to eat one chocolate
shaped like santa's hat
that actually fits an ant.


well either way
if you end up creating some sort of pattern
or sketch
or play-dough mold
whatever your medium
send it my way

the pockets could be secretly inside
or shamelessly outside
it doesn't matter to me
it's just my idea to make the world a little brighter
and my pockets full of love.
and the way to make my made-up holiday last for days on end.

happy delicious day to you.

Sunday, November 1

Ashley....

has been feeling a little bit like

burnt cookies
lucky charms with all charms gone missing
chocolate syrup that is now expired


But that's okay.

Because everytime I feel a bit shaky,
and the ground goes sandy.
the icecream goes melty.
and the diet pepsi goes flat.


It's my time to put on my running shoes
and go...
jog...
run....
like speedy mczeedy
right back to the fact that
He is.
And
I am
most certainly not.


It's not up to me.
And that's okay.
His timing is perfect.
And I'm so thankful He is in charge.
Because I would really, really stink at it.


And I'm thankful that when I feel empty, He fills up my cup.
Because then I feel whole again.
And being filled with Jesus is amazing.


And I won't lie
and say feeling stinky doesn't stink.
cause it really does.


But I still put my shoes on
and run to Jesus
because things are better there.
and if stinky times
makes me run
faster
and harder
and more often
to Jesus

then bring. it. on.