Wednesday, November 18

"my body is sitting in traffic"

Sitting in traffic does a number on one's soul.

today was a monster jam.
bigger than a monster that comes out on halloween.
bigger than the monster loin for sale at shoprite.


in 2 hours i went 1 mile.
it was not super fun.
but i did lighten things up for myself.

and as i think about it
i realize
there are many emotional stages
while sitting on a slab of asphalt
for a percentage of your life.

At first the feeling is panic
you realize you will be a little late
and you hate it
and you want to crawl away with embarrassment

and soon you realize you could have crawled away
all the way to school
and gotten there sooner...


anyway- as you sit there
you start wishing crazy things
like wishing your car had a vaccuum
or a built in sewing machine
you know, to spruce up the place.

you start imagining what a GREAT car would have
an oven to make brownies in
a diet pepsi dispenser
a bed for resting
you almost wish for workout equipment
but realize you would just use it as a chair

you lazy thing you.


anyway....at least for me...that panic turns into a good case of the 
crazies.

you start trying to create acronyms for the words:
"traffic" and "hateyou" and "getmeoutofhere"

you start making up cheerleading chants including
"traffic traffic is no fun. traffic traffic hurts someone"
and
"u g l y, you ain't got no alibi. you ugly. traffic. you ugly."

you give up the chanting game
because you stink at it

so you switch to making up songs too
you sing songs that resemble "london bridge" and
"my bonnie went over the ocean" *ahem...note title*
you can't think of anything else
so you give up on those too.


at this point, you seriously start eating like
you are running a marathon
and not sitting in a car burning 5 calories an hour
so you eat a half dozen cookies and some raisinets. 
you are slightly perturbed you didn't bring a cooler filled with 
treats and sodas galore.


you may start talking to your car.
picture tom hanks and wilson
but for me it was me and my buddy honky-tonk.
who was the steering wheel.

i named him after his job.


and then, 
as "quickly" as you came.
or actually MUCH quicker.
you finally are on your way to your final destination.


and by the time your journey is over.
there is a small part of you that is sad
because of all the good times the ride has given you.

you give honky-tonk a little pat
lick the half dozen cookie crumbs off your lips
and emerge from the vehicle

very late
but grateful for the many made memories

**big shout outs to saturn, mer's cookies, apple for allowing me a way to facebook in the car, hand sanitizer wipes used to clean the car, and my beloved honky. the car ride would not have been the same if not for all of you. oh, and a big shout out also to cookie dough ice-cream. you know...because i'll always shout out for you...you wonderfully wonderful you**

2 comments:

  1. Poor Ashley. Your pespi dispenser made me think of "The Santa Clause" where he had a cookie and cocoa dispenser in the sleigh.

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  2. You are cute, I haven't visited Google Reader in a LONG time. :)

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