Thursday, March 4

Disgusting-Chicken-ness. Again.

Dear Raw Chicken Manufactures,

I guess you didn't realize it.
I guess I shouldn't have assumed.
But I abso-tootin-lutely only want chicken
in my frozen chicken tenderloins.

And as I grabbed some of your chicken-goodness from my freezer
I noticed two little rubbery straws
(*edit- after further thought, a better describer of this rubbery mess emerging from my chicken is barbie arms. yes. just like barbie arms. coming out of my chicken.)
peering from the tenderloin
stretching out of the top
two little arms with little hand nubs....
I'm not sure if the chicken was doing yoga
or flailing it's straws
or helping an airplane land
or what....

Whatever the poor chicken was trying to say,
I certainly did NOT buy
Frozen Chicken Tenderloins
Attached Rubber Straws included!!

and as I bit down on the rubber straw
which I recently found out that straw = artery
*edit- except it might mean feather holder or tendon
*excuse me while i vomit in my mouth
and out of my mouth*
that I missed while cutting up the chicken 
dan cut up for me because i'm a big baby with raw meat grossness
I decided I have had it with the frozen chicken.

the nubs.
the veins.
the straws.
the whole muscle kit-and-kaboodle.

it is disgusting.
and apparently shoprite and you...
frozen chicken producers...
love the
gizzards, hooves, and heels
the innards
the outards
and everything in between.

but I DO NOT.
and when I want to eat a tenderloin
I want to eat a naked tenderloin
that is not decorated in glamorous jewelry
made of veins and straws/barbie arms.

and I'm sorry if I seem complainy.
but i have to figure out something....
there must be some way for you to remove the straws
because if there isn't,
I'm going to have to bury my chicken recipes in the ground
and call it a day.
because I can't chew on arteries or veins again.
it's already enough to chew on the muscle.
I can't bare adding more to chew.

So for the love-of-every-chicken-recipe-and-my-husband-who-likes-chicken,
please fix your chicken.

Chicken about Chicken


  1. ok, i don't remember you saying the other night that they were like straws. that's definitely not...well you know what we thought they were! ;) i'm pretty sure those are from the feathers. they are like shoots or something that the feathers come out of. pores if you will. i know, that just makes it worse! sorry!

  2. So glad you blogged about this experience. I agree with Deb...I do not remember the straw description, but I most certaintly do remember the visual interpretation!! and Deb, I do think that knowing the "straws" are for holding the feathers in place makes it much, much worse!!

  3. I think you are referring to the tendon, and it strips out very easily with a sharp knife. I'll teach you sometime, or look for a video online. Other than that tenderloins are awesome, so don't give up on them yet!

  4. watch this video, only a minute long