Friday, April 16

Surrendering Daily

My pastor gave a sermon in December 2008 that I will never forget.
During this sermon, we were challenged
to surrender everything, even the hard things, to our Heavenly Father.

I had a lot of worries, fears, and frustrations
in every area of my life.
and I hadn't laid any of it at Jesus' feet.
and all the baggage felt so heavy.
I felt miserable. and tired.

I was worried about everything.
There was a lot going on around me that I thought wasn't fair.
Many things weren't going "my way".
and I was harboring all of it in my heart.
I had a skewed view on life for sure...
I somehow convinced myself that life was all about me.

And what I realized that day,
what was stamped upon my heart,
what changed my life,
was that I needed to surrender it all.
and I needed to commit to surrendering it all daily.

I needed to be confident that everything that was placed in my life
was perfectly placed by God to help me grow.
to become the person God called me to be.
to bring Him glory.

I came into church that day pretending to be okay.
But inside, I felt broken.
and tired of carrying so many worries and frustrations.
I just started crying in the back pew.
and all I could do was tell God I was sorry.
and surrender it all to Him.
and it felt so good to just give it to Jesus.

And that day in the pew, I surrendered it all over to Jesus.

the. end.

ummm, no.
Because it wasn't a magic pill I popped in my mouth.
I didn't surrender once and become Perfectly Perfect In Every Way...

In the days (weeks, months, years) that followed,
I wanted to take back my fanny pack of worries
because I almost felt safe with it wrapped around myself...
It had become a part of who I am.
but it was an ugly part.
And I had to surrender it all again.
and again.
and again.

I even wrote this song and sang it
whenever I felt the "worry urge".
I mean, seriously people, 
I really wanted to surrender my life for good,
but it was really, really hard. 

And to this day, 16 months later,
I still find myself having to surrender daily.
and some many days it feels hard....

but it always feels really good once I finally give it all to Jesus.

and I truly believe that in trusting Him with everything,
even though it's hard...
and leaning on Him for strength,
because it IS hard...
and responding based on what I know to be true of the One who saved me...
I can live my life surrendered.
confident in the One who is in control.
and allow Him to be the center of all I think and do.

I want to end this post with my most favorite quote in the whole wide world.
It reminds me that life isn't about me being comfy.
that sometimes, hard times are going to happen.
and in those hard times,
I need to glorify Him.
surrendering daily each worry and fear associated with each situation.

"God’s goal is not to make sure you’re happy. Life is not about your being comfortable, happy, successful and pain free. It is about becoming the person God has called you to be. Life is not about you. It’s about God. He doesn’t exist to make us happy. We exist to bring Him glory."


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