Sunday, May 23

Desires

The song below has been...mmm...sort of the song of the week for me.
I love these lyrics...
They recognize the human part...
the desire to want things to be easy.
to have no more pain, suffering, or hurt.
But,
there is a greater desire
to be the person God wants me to be.
So even if God's plan for my life
includes tough times,
that's where I want to be...
because it's there that I will grow to be the person He has called me to be.




these lyrics are from Laura Story's album...


I admit there is a yearning for the hurting to subside. 
but not at the risk of losing what you're doing in my life. 

all I know to do is lift my hands to you.
take all of my life and make something beautiful.
open my hands.
trusting your plan to make something beautiful.

so that all will see
your work in me
as you make something beautiful.

Tuesday, May 18

Sometimes...

when the hustle and bustle slows down
and my mind is tired of thinking

i am just quiet.

i have so many questions
but i'm too tired to ask "why".

sometimes
i stay busy
so the pain is forgotten.
so the longings
leave the forefront of my heart.

but sometimes
i am tired of staying busy.

and instead i am quiet.

and the pain comes flooding back in.

and i want to pray.
but i have no words.
so am just quiet.

longing for the Lord to take my pain away
and wishing He would do so by giving me
my heart's desire
but knowing He may quiet my pain
by saying "No. Find your desire in me."

and i'm sad to say
that the reason i cry
is because sometimes I want more than God.

sometimes it's hard to find contentment in Him.

sometimes i want to shout and yell and scream
"It's not fair. You never make things fair."

but I know
in my deepest of hearts
that a "fair" is where you ride rides and eat cotton candy.

that God doesn't have us all on a balance scale...
playing games to make all sides even.

can you imagine?
"a little pain for her... a little joy for him...whoops...too much joy- it's not fair now. i'll throw his life a curveball. now a drop of happiness for her and we're good to go. fairness for all!"


no.
He has a special plan for each person.
and He is carrying it out just as it should be.
It's not measured by our version of fairness.
We don't all get the same scoop of life.
God gives us exactly what we need.
And sometimes more.
But never less.

Because really, none of us deserve anything.
And yet, God sent His Son to die for us.
He gave us grace and all we have to do is believe.
That's all we need.
And it's ours.
It can never be taken from us.

so why in the world does that sometimes not feel like enough?

so i sit here.
i am just quiet.
waiting on Him
to quiet my heart
to restore me.
to help me find full contentment in Him.

because although sometimes God doesn't feel like enough...
I know He is.
And I am want to live my life based on what I know.


Do you ever struggle with God being enough?

Saturday, May 15

"Good-Looking" Looking

You google shop for a chandelier.

You want something that is
inexpensive
yet charming
with a little bit of classic style built in.

And then
by accident
you stumble across this
beauty.

And your search. just. stops.

you find your heart's desire.

but then you see the price tag.

so instead of buying it...
you just post it on your blog.

because it's free to decorate your blog with this
whole lot of gorgeousness...
which is a lot cheaper than it would have cost
to put it in your dining room.


When I win the lottery (except I don't play)
this is number four on my list to buy. 
Right after...
making Dave Ramsey proud by paying off my school loans, 
splurging on spa days for all my friends, 
and buying a house in zip code 08035.

But for now, 
since that might be awhile (considering I don't play the lottery)
this gorgeousness can sit pretty on my blog.

it's doing a gorgeous job.

Thursday, May 13

Wednesday, May 12

The Solid Rock

The rocks on which I stand:

1. God is good.
2. God is in control.
3. God has a perfect plan for me.

If those three things are true
which.i.beyond.a.shadow.of.a.doubt.know.they.are
then I have no reason to be afraid.
question God's plan.
or worry about the details.

and there is such freedom in that.

but i am a sinner.
and sometimes i forget.
i crawl off the rocks.
i wander.
and get lost.
and scared.
and hurt.

and the only way back
is to pray and ask God to help me
find those solid rocks.
and He always does.

He forgives me.
He comforts me.
He helps me stand.

I will never understand why He loves this "broken jar of clay"
but I am so thankful He does.

Sunday, May 9

The Best One to Tie My Shoes

Dear Lord,

There are a lot of loose ends that need tying up.
And as we both know,
I keep trying to tie them up myself...
and that never works out well...
I always trip and stumble on the laces.

Please help me come inside.
take off my shoes.
and get on my knees...
because I know that's my job
in this "loose-end tying up" bit.

And if I stay on my knees in prayer
and let You be in control,
I know You will hear me.
Calm me.
Comfort me.
and tie up everything perfectly
exactly in the way it should be.

And I may not always like the shoes I am called to walk in.
or the color of the laces.
or exactly the way You knotted them...
but I know You are in control
and I am to completely trust You
and walk in those shoes.

And if I hold Your hand
I won't fall down.
I won't get lost.
My laces won't unravel.
And someday...
I will look back...
and see exactly why you chose those shoes for me.

Amen.

Thursday, May 6

A Thursday Thought...

"The strength of patience 
hangs on our capacity 
to believe that God is up to something good for us 
in all our delays and detours."
— John Piper

Monday, May 3

Perfect Parallel Parking Past Pizza-Pecking Police (Possible Prevarication...Possibly)

Today I did awesome at parallel parking.

I did not drive around the block twice praying for a spot to open up.
Because I am awesome at parallel parking. 

I plopped right into that small spot between two other cars perfectly.
and not approximately 5 feet from the curb.
I would not have parked myself an entire car length away
and thought it acceptable to instead pull next to the spot
that was clearly the road.

And as I went in to pick up Dan and his company's lunch,
there were certainly not approximately seven cops having lunch at the table.
And they certainly were not looking outside the window
at my car parked in the road.
instead of an actual parking spot.
because of course there is no such car in the road...
because i am awesome at parallel parking.

And I certainly did not try to walk cutely and smiley
as I walked by those cops.
I did not scurry quickly to my car.
that was parked in the middle of the road.
I did not wonder if the cop that drove by me later that day thought:
"Is that the girl who thought she was cute 
and thought middle of the road parking was a-ok?"


Nope. That wasn't me.
I parked perfect.
People cheered for me as I walked back to my car.
Someone put a "Perfect Parker Person" medal around my neck.
They put me on their shoulders and called me queen.
Tootsie pops and ice-cream cones fell from the air.

Because, like I said, 
I'm awesome at parallel parking.

Sunday, May 2

4 Weeks ago...

I wasn't sure what the future held.
I couldn't picture Dan and my life together 
because there were so many questions 
to what life would hold for us.

*~*~*
We took a walk around the block last night.
There were so many blessings wrapped up in this "big night out".
Walking.
Talking.
Grabbing Dan's hand and him holding mine back.
And holding hands all the way around the block.

All things I always thought were wonderful...
but could easily take for granted.

Things I always knew were given to me by God...
but could easily forget to thank Him for.

Things that may seem silly to call blessings...
but... when I think my life could easily have been without them...
it's all I can do to fall to my knees.
and thank the Lord with my whole heart for these amazing blessings.
for allowing us more time 
to take walks around the blocks.
hand in hand.


On a related note, I just want to say that 
holding hands
is my 
favoritehobbyeverinlife.


like seriously, heart bursting with love.

Best. Sewing. Book. Ever.