Monday, May 3

Perfect Parallel Parking Past Pizza-Pecking Police (Possible Prevarication...Possibly)

Today I did awesome at parallel parking.

I did not drive around the block twice praying for a spot to open up.
Because I am awesome at parallel parking. 

I plopped right into that small spot between two other cars perfectly.
and not approximately 5 feet from the curb.
I would not have parked myself an entire car length away
and thought it acceptable to instead pull next to the spot
that was clearly the road.

And as I went in to pick up Dan and his company's lunch,
there were certainly not approximately seven cops having lunch at the table.
And they certainly were not looking outside the window
at my car parked in the road.
instead of an actual parking spot.
because of course there is no such car in the road...
because i am awesome at parallel parking.

And I certainly did not try to walk cutely and smiley
as I walked by those cops.
I did not scurry quickly to my car.
that was parked in the middle of the road.
I did not wonder if the cop that drove by me later that day thought:
"Is that the girl who thought she was cute 
and thought middle of the road parking was a-ok?"

Nope. That wasn't me.
I parked perfect.
People cheered for me as I walked back to my car.
Someone put a "Perfect Parker Person" medal around my neck.
They put me on their shoulders and called me queen.
Tootsie pops and ice-cream cones fell from the air.

Because, like I said, 
I'm awesome at parallel parking.


  1. I have no doubt that you are the most perfect parallel parker ever!