Tuesday, June 29

Tips for Buying a Bathing Suit

You should never ever wait
until one and one quarter hours until a party
to buy a bathing suit.

You should never tack on the challenge
of bathing suit season already beginning
with all the early birds getting the suits.
Because guaranteed, whatever size you are, they will not have.

You rush from store to store
in such a frantic sweaty mess
that you can't remember if you just had swam
or are just swimming in sweat.

You get a crazed look in your eye
and start screaming in your brain
as you look for something in your size
that has more fabric than a candy wrapper.

You, who are usually all decked out sale conscientious,
act like your doppelganger, Jayma Mays,
pretending you make the big bucks shooting Glee,
and don't even look at the prices
but just grab frantically like you a child in a candy store closing sale.

You throw your hands up to the bathing suit heavens
and shout for some help down here in the Macys.

You do a chlorine pool dance to the makers of bathing suits
summoning a bathing suit just for you.

You even offer to buy the sales associate a present if she has your size.

Sometimes, the story ends sad.
You go home empty handed and have to swim in your rain jacket
since it's the next best thing.

Sometimes, the story ends happy
like it did for me that day.
I found something with no time to spare
that I actually liked.

I did pay the big smacks for it however...
but I bandaged that credit card purchase up
by asking for a coupon and getting 20% off

soooo it was only a little bit horrible amount of money.

But dear friends, for the love,
do not follow my example.
Buy a bathing suit bright and early
and give yourself enough time.

But if that fails and you are in my shoes,
then by all means,
throw up your arms,
do a little chlorine pool dance to the maker of bathing suits,
and offer sales associates presents for helping you.

It will work every time
with no guarantee from me
because actually, 
no studies have been shown to see how affective chlorine pool dances are.

but it's worth a shot for sure.

Friday, June 25

Rest in Peace Cute Nicknames....Rest in Peace

Apparently the term "brace boy" must come to an end.

No, the brace is still occasionally worn. It's not officially over yet.

"So why would this adorable and loving nickname have to end?" you ask.

Well, my sweet brace bo...oh wait....can't say that anymore....
ahem

my sweet husband said the nickname must end.
it's not manly enough.

and even though my husband is certainly very manly and strong and handsome....
to me calling someone "Brace Manly-Man" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

In my defense, I have 5 reasons on why this nickname came to be:

1. Dan wears a brace.
2. He is male.
3. I like alliteration.
4. Nicknames are fun.
5. I am helping him get from brace to better.

But sadly, 
though I have helped my husband get better,
have enjoyed many fun snacks with him during his time of need,
and have had lots of face-time with the brace,
the nickname apparently is banished from our home.

And so dear friends, you will not hear me utter the words "brace boy" again.
It is a chapter of the book that is sadly shut.
And it makes me sad.
But apparently, according to Dan & Company, 
I was not going to get my new iPhone
if I used my loving, wonderful, and creative nickname again.

So farewell "brace boy nickname".
Your two words were sweet to say
with your smooth sounds and alliteration...
and your meaning was even sweeter
since they were in reference to my
usually-sweet-but-is-now-bribing-me-and-hating-on-my-endearing-nickname-that-I-endearingly-gave-to-him-while-i-helped-him-get-brace-to-better-husband.

It was hard to choose between the nickname and my iPhone
and I wish I didn't have to.
Farewell loving nickname.
You will be forever in my heart
and secretly in my head at all times because no one can stop me from thinking it.


The. End.



Wednesday, June 23

Flipper's New BFF

I don't want to be famous.
I just want to get in on the magic.
The magic of diving.

People who dive act as though it is as easy as walking.
People, like me, who can't dive, feel as if they are trying to be taught how to fly.

I want to fly.

I know all the directions:
"Tell your feet to go in last."
"Aim for a certain spot in the pool."
"Just fall in."
"Let your body fall head first."

Somewhere in between aiming for a certain spot with my head
while commanding my feet to stay put or else
and being shocked when gravity pulls my entire body down,
I always end in watery failure.

I start out the dive with great hope
but always end up looking like a drowned rat
instead of the dolphin I was aspiring to be.

And so dear friends,
I am determined to crawl out of my rat hole
and swim with the mammals of the sea.

Summer 2010, you haven't seen me yet.
But I'm coming.
Oh, I'm coming.
Dolphin style.




that's future me on the left. 



for the love of flipper i hope so.

Sunday, June 20

An Essay: My Summer Vacation, 2010 Style

In approximately 3 days...(maybe 4, maybe 5, most likely 3)
I will be on summer vacation!!! (Screams of happiness!!!) 

I have 3 goals this summer:
1. Learn how to dive
2. Eat one vegetable a day
3. Read one book a week

I will probably fail at number 2.
But mistakes aren't monsters and I'm okay with failing at that one.

And I am considering selling tickets to my diving attempts.
I have attempted diving in the past.
And royally failed.
Miserably failed.
Belly flops.
Water in my nose.
Drowned rat look.
The whole bit.

Is this impossible for anyone else?
How does someone force their head to go before their body into the water?
How do you defy gravity in your feet while letting your head feel the force?

Anyway, I am marveled by the act of diving.
And I'm determined to be a part of the magic.

Alright...back to the lists...

I have 5 things on my to-do list:
1. Sew. Sew. Sew. Crayon and car rolls. Clothing. Pillows. I'm even going to attempt sewing a brand new C2 vertebrae for brace boy.
2. Cook. Cook. Cook. and eat. eat. eat. (favorite)
3. Wear sweatpants and other various comfy outfits as much as possible.
4. Figure out how to transform my bedroom from a white-walled-monster to a chic and beautiful place of rest.
5. Have play-dates with my friends. Beach. Talking. Snacks. Possible Singing. Dance. Eat cookie dough. Make sand angels. Synchronized swimming.

Mmm....
Summer is as sweet as if I dived into a pool full of sugar.
Which actually sounds wonderful...
6. Make and swim in a pool full of sugar.


And,
as my 2009 blog entry about summer prompted,
I feel a poem coming on...

Summer summer 2010
I can't believe it's summer again.
Time to sit under sun beams
New adventures with ice-cream.
Summer feels like a piece of heaven.
This poem's over until 2011.

Tuesday, June 8

Cupcake Confession

We had a Grace Group cook-out on Sunday.

Brace boy (the name lovingly given to my brace-wearing-for-a-little-while-longer-trust-me-he-doesn't-mind-the-nickname-ok-possibly-he-hates-it-but-it's-too-catchy-and-i-can't-stop-saying-it husband)
had a big day the next day
(first day back to work!!)
so we left early.
before dessert.

I guess there is a first time for everything.
And heavens to betsy 
that better have been the last leave-the-party-pre-dessert-time.

However, I did ask if I could take my dessert to-go
in the most polite way possible one can say
"I'm leaving this party early but I still want cake".
yes I know, politeness was lost in this situation before it started.

Fortunately, the host totally knows me.
we possibly share the same conviction on the importance of dessert.
she knows my complete obsession with sweetness throwing parties in my mouth.

So I took two cupcakes to-go.
planning on eating them the minute I got home.

But the temptation was too great
as I drove into the gas station
to fill up my almost-as-hungry-as-me gas tank.

So I gave the gas attendant my credit card.
And without thinking twice
grabbed and opened up the saran wrap that was holding my cupcake.
And started licking.

my oh my.
sweet frosting from sugar land itself.

more licking.
i got chocolate on my lips. fingers. cheek. it was wonderful.
i completely checked out of real life.
it was just me and my chocolate.
and brace boy who had his brace on
and so possibly had no idea what was going on
since he couldn't turn his poor head.

*knock* on the window.
the gas attendant was done and wanted to give me my receipt.

a normal person would have snapped back to reality
and shoved that cupcake away somewhere shamefully
or never started licking while gas was being pumped in the first place.

well, normal is as long gone as my attempts at liking vegetables.
And so...I kept on licking!


He stood at the window.
I gave him shifty eyes out of the corner of my eye.
took my receipt in one hand.
and loved the cupcake in the other...
why did I do that?
who keeps on licking the frosting even after getting caught?


I was ashamed for about one milli-moment after I pulled out of the gas station.
but then I remembered the chocolatey goodness
that threw a big party in my mouth
and was currently coating my belly with happiness.
and I didn't care anymore.

because really, there is no shame in loving your dessert
at every moment.
even while paying at the gas station.

Tuesday, June 1

And My Personal Pulitzer Prize Goes To....

If it was up to me...
If I was given the pen and paper before I was even born...
and told to write out my life story,
I would probably write out a lot of good times.

easy times.
breezy living.
cookie eating while fingernail painting.
friends and family with connecting backyards.
my very own underground candy factory.

It could probably have been stamped as a fairytale.
no tears.
or pain.
or fear.
or questions allowed.

However, in this easy breezy fairytale cookie eating version
where everything goes "right",
there are moments that would have been unintentionally missed.
moments that come during and after hard times...
after those times that are not in fairytales.


Moments where the rug is pulled from under me
and all I can do is fall to my knees and pray and feel God.
Moments where my faith is tested and strengthened
and I learn what's important and what's not.
Moments where I grow up
and appreciate what the Lord has written for me.

My easy breezy version would have mistakenly left out...
the chapters where I cry and hurt and learn and grow.
the paragraphs where prayers are answered...
sometimes with an answer that seems right.
sometimes with an answer that seems hard.
but always with an answer that is part of the great plan God has for my life.
and always with an answer that allows me to grow to become more like Him.

It's these hard chapters that help us grow...
and if we wrote our own story,
we would probably never have written those chapters
and in doing so, we would have left out all of that real, beautiful growth.

Sometimes
when I'm in the thick of something hard
I beg God to edit the story...
to throw this main character a piece of pie
but sometimes instead,
He gently gives me a piece of peace
and a whole lot of growing up.
and when I finish living the chapter
I am always so glad He wrote it the way He did.

I'm very thankful God is writing my story.
He's a much better writer than I am.