Sunday, May 22

Blessed

A mommy.

Something I always wanted to be.
Something I assumed would happen quickly.
in my time frame.

And when we started trying
and a few months went by...
I started to get worried.

And then an entire year went by.
And nothing.

The doctors ran tests.
There were issues found.

And so treatment began.
"Don't expect this to work on the first try."
"Don't get your hopes up."

My odds weren't great
during the first round,
and I was told not to get my hopes up
but I couldn't help it.

Two weeks of waiting.
I wanted it to work.
I wanted a baby so bad.

And it did work.
on the first try.
the thing that the doctors said would not happen,
God made happen.
God answered my prayers.
He started my motherhood journey that day.

And two weeks after that,
we found out that we were having two babies.
A 1.7% chance of it happening
according to the discoveries made during our first month of treatment.

God knew what He was doing all along.

When I was wondering what He was doing
and had times of serious struggle...
when I was wondering why He wasn't answering my big prayer for a baby...
God was about to bless us with was something bigger than my big prayer.

I prayed for a baby.
And God gave us two.

And tomorrow I get to meet them.
hear them cry.
kiss their cheeks.
and be their mommy.

And it was worth the wait.
It was worth the year of trying.
Watching others get pregnant and hoping for the same.
Walking by maternity stores and wondering if I would ever get to shop there.
Taking pregnancy tests month after month only to see one line every time.

The testing. 
The treatment. 
The praying. 

It taught me a good lesson

that I hope I never forget...
that when our prayers are "not being answered"
that maybe, God just has something bigger in store.
something better.
His plan instead of our own (He does know us better than we know ourselves, after all)...

a blessing.
or in this particular case,
two teeny tiny giant blessings.
two gifts from God.
gifts that He gave me even though I struggled with doubt. anger. fear. worry.
two gifts when I asked for one.

and I can't wait to tell my teeny tiny giant blessings
about our big big God
who gifted them with life
and leased them to me
so that I could raise them
and teach them
about prayer
and faith
and hope
and salvation.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Amen.

Wednesday, May 11

Letter to Vacate

Ashley Stephens
Pillow Castle
Leather Couch, NJ

Baby A and Baby B
Womb of Ashley Stephens
Belly, NJ

Subject: Notice to Vacate

Dear Baby A and Baby B,

This letter constitutes written notice to vacate the womb immediately.

You need to remove yourself as soon as possible. I expect you to leave things the way you found them as soon as you vacate. The reasons for your immediate removal are as follows:

1. Mommy has no more clothes that fit and so the premises need an immediate remodel.

2. Mommy waddles like a duck on sleeping pills.

3. The womb you have occupied and stretched has caused Mommy's stomach to become numb, thus proving you have overstayed your womb welcome.

4. When Mommy's stomach growls, she feels it in her ribs by her armpit. This is evidence that things are not where they used to be.

5. Mommy's belly button looks painted on.

6. Your brand new bedroom, clothes, stroller, and accessories are all begging to be used and are way better than the amniotic fluid home you are swimming in.

7. Mommy can no longer get up from the floor but has to shamefully scoot on her booty to the stairs to pull herself up. This is proof that the foundation your home is built on is crumbling.

8. There are bets being made on what day Mommy's stomach is actually going to explode. Mommy's bet is today. So it is in your best interest to vacate the premises immediately.

9. Spirograph tattoos are out of fashion and Mommy's keeps growing. Again, the premises needs a
face belly lift... and that can't be done with two occupants inside.

10. Mommy's face, hands, and feet are starting to swell like a beached whale... whatever that is.

But truthfully, sweet babies, none of these reasons really mean anything. We want you to vacate the premise so you can occupy your new home, which we have ready just for you. We love you and want to see your pretty little faces in person.

So, for the love of all things good and holy, please vacate promptly. for. the. love.

Thanking you,
Ashley Stephens (aka Mommy)