Sunday, May 22

Blessed

A mommy.

Something I always wanted to be.
Something I assumed would happen quickly.
in my time frame.

And when we started trying
and a few months went by...
I started to get worried.

And then an entire year went by.
And nothing.

The doctors ran tests.
There were issues found.

And so treatment began.
"Don't expect this to work on the first try."
"Don't get your hopes up."

My odds weren't great
during the first round,
and I was told not to get my hopes up
but I couldn't help it.

Two weeks of waiting.
I wanted it to work.
I wanted a baby so bad.

And it did work.
on the first try.
the thing that the doctors said would not happen,
God made happen.
God answered my prayers.
He started my motherhood journey that day.

And two weeks after that,
we found out that we were having two babies.
A 1.7% chance of it happening
according to the discoveries made during our first month of treatment.

God knew what He was doing all along.

When I was wondering what He was doing
and had times of serious struggle...
when I was wondering why He wasn't answering my big prayer for a baby...
God was about to bless us with was something bigger than my big prayer.

I prayed for a baby.
And God gave us two.

And tomorrow I get to meet them.
hear them cry.
kiss their cheeks.
and be their mommy.

And it was worth the wait.
It was worth the year of trying.
Watching others get pregnant and hoping for the same.
Walking by maternity stores and wondering if I would ever get to shop there.
Taking pregnancy tests month after month only to see one line every time.

The testing. 
The treatment. 
The praying. 

It taught me a good lesson

that I hope I never forget...
that when our prayers are "not being answered"
that maybe, God just has something bigger in store.
something better.
His plan instead of our own (He does know us better than we know ourselves, after all)...

a blessing.
or in this particular case,
two teeny tiny giant blessings.
two gifts from God.
gifts that He gave me even though I struggled with doubt. anger. fear. worry.
two gifts when I asked for one.

and I can't wait to tell my teeny tiny giant blessings
about our big big God
who gifted them with life
and leased them to me
so that I could raise them
and teach them
about prayer
and faith
and hope
and salvation.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Amen.

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